Terms of service

🧃 Terms of Service

Welcome to our weird little corner of the internet, where the plants bite back.

1. The Plants in the Photos Are Models

The plants in the photos? Total supermodels. Glamorous lighting, professional angles, probably listened to Beyoncé while being photographed.

You will not receive the exact plant pictured — but rest assured, we always pick the biggest, healthiest, and most impressive plant available at the time of your order.

Think of it like online dating, but the personality (and appetite) matches the profile.

2. These Plants Eat Bugs, Not Feelings

Our plants are carnivorous, not cruel. They might look intense, but they’re just doing their job — one bug at a time.

We are not responsible if your plant silently judges you from across the room.

3. Don’t Feed Them Your Finger

They’re not dangerous, but let’s not test their patience. No poking, no teasing.

They’re dramatic and need their beauty rest between meals. Basically, they’re plant divas. Respect the vibes.

4. Shipping Plants Is Weird

Shipping a living creature through the mail is a little wild, we know.

We wrap them up like leafy royalty, but once they leave our hands, it’s up to the postal powers that be.

If something goes off the rails, reach out to us — kindly — and we’ll do our best to help.

5. No Returns, No Regrets

These aren’t mass-produced widgets — they’re living, bug-chomping legends.

Because of that, we don’t accept returns. Once you adopt a plant, it’s yours. Forever. (Cue dramatic thunderclap.)

6. You Agree to These Terms by Buying a Plant

By placing an order, you’re saying, “Yes, I accept these weirdly specific, somewhat hilarious terms.”

We’ll take that as a digital pinky promise.